You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
