That's intense
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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