Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I want a musical about memes.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
