hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it's great music for shaving your balls
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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