I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
