I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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