I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
