i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The uberlube is also flammable
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
