I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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