Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
