he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
