so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
