so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
