I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
