On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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