today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
