Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
