Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
