he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
