i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
