is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
