i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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