My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
