no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
