sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I puked a lego.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
