You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I cut my penus on the lid.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
