Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
