Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
