YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
