You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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