it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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