lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't turn off my feet"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
