oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
