one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
