blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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