i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
