Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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