WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
