Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
