I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
