my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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