I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
