TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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