I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
