with your own penis?
I wish you could order shots online.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
