What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
