Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
