why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
