Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
well you can't waste a boner
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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