I'm so fucking centered right now
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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