Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
