She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
