All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
