my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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