According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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