I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
