she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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