true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
