she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
